Hey y’all – Happy September!

Where has the year gone? I know, I know, still three months left, but there’s something about this time of year that really makes me reflect on  the previous eight months, what I’ve achieved, what’s still to do, what plans have gone not so well, and some of the unexpected pleasant surprises. I guess a little mental spring cleaning but at the beginning of Autumn (sorry, Fall….still can’t shake some of my Brit sayings.)

I guess this time of year makes me thoughtful and reflective as it’s also anniversary time. We’re very happy, but this year has been challenging in many ways; financially as my husband has been out of work now for over 18 months and I’m working hard to get my business off the ground and really figure out ‘what’s next’; am I doing the right thing? Should I be concentrating my efforts elsewhere? Am I just doing too much and spinning too many plates with no real end result?  There’s been alot of ‘living by faith’  of late, but as my dear friend said the other day ‘we’re adults, and sometimes making adult decisions just isn’t fun’. Booo, I say to adult decisions!!! But I do say ‘yay’ to God keeping us comfortable all of these months. I recognize it could have been and could be a whole lot worse. With 30lbs to lose, I’m clearly not short of a meal!

If you’ve been reading my blog or following fertilefaith’s posts on Twitter then you know some of the details. We’ve been trying to conceive now (officially and unofficially) since June 2009 following surgery to remove some pretty brutal fibroids. (Booooo to fibroids too!) Needless to say nothing has happened as yet. On a recommendation from a pal back home, I decided to sign up with a nutritionist to ‘get my house in order’ and she’s great. An accupuncturist told me I need to chill out  a bit, and at my annual exam, my OB/GYN was pleased with the state of things ‘down there’ and was nonplussed (I love that word) when I told him about my pregnancy concerns. All he said was ‘use an ovulation predictor kit and come back to me in two months if you’re not ovulating’. Fair enough. I now have said OPK and testing sticks and I’m waiting for my next cycle to start to see what’s happening after two months of sending good vibes to my womb and husband’s sperm in the hope that we wouldn’t need to use it. Queen of wishful thinking, no?

Anywho, I digress. Reflecting on the year so far and our martial year, many things have become clear.

• We are both terrified of what the future holds, but know it will be ok
• As we get older, we’re concerned that we’re not ‘living up to our potential’
• Finances and our current ‘situation’ are indeed stressful
• Trying for a baby right now borders on insanity

Now I’m interested in your thoughts on that last point and forgive me if I ramble. We’re aware that not trying could cost us dearly in the long run. We’re clear that money does not a baby or a happy home make, and people the world over are doing way more with far less than we have. In deciding to put the baby brakes on, are we stopping God from doing his work?

It’s all so…well, messy. Honestly, if we lived in the UK, this wouldn’t even be an issue (thank you National Health Service!) but no health insurance in the good old US of A, plus pregnancy, plus a vulnerable household income at the moment….is this what we want to bring a child into?

We have more than enough love, practical experience (countless nieces, nephews, cousins and babies around us over the years, enough to populate a small village in Guam, probably) and spiritual input and guidance to see us through, but for some reason, this doesn’t feel like the time. I literally was stopped in my tracks the other day with this recurring thought “one thing at a time”, my husband says his message is “get your house in order”. So we’re going to be obedient.

I joke about the weight loss action plan, but taking better care of my temple (and hubby’s) is a priority. Sorting out or finances is a priority. Making the business viable or letting it go is a priority. Staying sane and in the spirit is a priority.

The baby hiatus at the moment will be 6 months, just a whisker before we turn 37 and 38. I pray we won’t regret this decision. But as adults, decisions have to be made based on what’s going on around you. And from the advice you hear in your heart.

If  you’re a praying person, pray for us, and if not, send positive thoughts this way!