Keep it moving
Posted by: fertilefaith on: September 17, 2010
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Hello!
So, not to keep you hanging, nothing happened on the baby front last month. For some reason (and I never do this) I took a pregnancy test and of, quelle suprise — big fat negative. I wasn’t sad, just, well, resigned.
But I now have a new toy to play with – the fertility monitor….woohoo! Just a few days in, and I already look forward to pressing the button first thing in the morning to find out if I have to pee on a stick. Then I watch for 5 minutes until is says, well nothing. It’s a machine. It doesn’t talk (can someone invent a talking one? That would be cool!)
The weight loss plan continues a pace – we’re now doing the ‘Eating Clean’ diet – although it’s not a diet, just a way of life. I got inspired when I picked up a magazine the other day that mentioned it – Hubs even likes it, although he has a fixation with bacon and my freezer is FULL of meat (which I stopped eating like, 5 years ago, but it works out.)
So I’m keeping busy; getting healthy, being social — Hubs has even signed us up for a 5 K run! We ran together ONCE about 18 months ago and he swore he’d never run with me again (I’ve done a few marathons in my time), but it seems the worm has turned. I just really appreciate that he’d even entertain the idea. Don’t worry, I’ll be kind…. 
2 friends are now expecting; one in January and one in March, but it doesn’t hurt so much to hear their news — we have to keep on living our lives until it’s our turn to say ‘Woohoooooooooo!’ Reading such good news of women who are finally pregnant, or who now have babies in their lives through adoption (like Waiting Lisa — brilliant news!!) it’s encouraging. And it’s a reminder to all of us not to give up. Soon we’ll be mothers, and then we’ll be wondering why we never have time to do anything!!
A Word from the Big Man Himself?
Posted by: fertilefaith on: September 5, 2010
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Ok, I’m just adding this post because, well, if what I heard today comes true, this will become important.
So at church today, Pastor turned to my husband and said “At the moment you’re trying to stay single minded for two of you, soon to be three.”
Why did everyone swing over and look at me, like I had something to say or information to share?
I’d love that, trust me (even given what I said in my last post)
In addition – quite by accident – I saw a dress I really liked in the store, but when I looked in the back it was a maternity dress. I went to put it down, but something said “try it on”. It actually looks really good, so I rocked it today with a wide belt and heels.
Coincidence? Part of the plan? God speaking a word?
Maybe I’m thinking too much of it, you know, wishful thinking…I’ll have to wait and see, I guess
Decision Time
Posted by: fertilefaith on: September 1, 2010
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Hey y’all – Happy September!
Where has the year gone? I know, I know, still three months left, but there’s something about this time of year that really makes me reflect on the previous eight months, what I’ve achieved, what’s still to do, what plans have gone not so well, and some of the unexpected pleasant surprises. I guess a little mental spring cleaning but at the beginning of Autumn (sorry, Fall….still can’t shake some of my Brit sayings.)
I guess this time of year makes me thoughtful and reflective as it’s also anniversary time. We’re very happy, but this year has been challenging in many ways; financially as my husband has been out of work now for over 18 months and I’m working hard to get my business off the ground and really figure out ‘what’s next’; am I doing the right thing? Should I be concentrating my efforts elsewhere? Am I just doing too much and spinning too many plates with no real end result? There’s been alot of ‘living by faith’ of late, but as my dear friend said the other day ‘we’re adults, and sometimes making adult decisions just isn’t fun’. Booo, I say to adult decisions!!! But I do say ‘yay’ to God keeping us comfortable all of these months. I recognize it could have been and could be a whole lot worse. With 30lbs to lose, I’m clearly not short of a meal!
If you’ve been reading my blog or following fertilefaith’s posts on Twitter then you know some of the details. We’ve been trying to conceive now (officially and unofficially) since June 2009 following surgery to remove some pretty brutal fibroids. (Booooo to fibroids too!) Needless to say nothing has happened as yet. On a recommendation from a pal back home, I decided to sign up with a nutritionist to ‘get my house in order’ and she’s great. An accupuncturist told me I need to chill out a bit, and at my annual exam, my OB/GYN was pleased with the state of things ‘down there’ and was nonplussed (I love that word) when I told him about my pregnancy concerns. All he said was ‘use an ovulation predictor kit and come back to me in two months if you’re not ovulating’. Fair enough. I now have said OPK and testing sticks and I’m waiting for my next cycle to start to see what’s happening after two months of sending good vibes to my womb and husband’s sperm in the hope that we wouldn’t need to use it. Queen of wishful thinking, no?
Anywho, I digress. Reflecting on the year so far and our martial year, many things have become clear.
- We are both terrified of what the future holds, but know it will be ok
- As we get older, we’re concerned that we’re not ‘living up to our potential’
- Finances and our current ‘situation’ are indeed stressful
- Trying for a baby right now borders on insanity
Now I’m interested in your thoughts on that last point and forgive me if I ramble. We’re aware that not trying could cost us dearly in the long run. We’re clear that money does not a baby or a happy home make, and people the world over are doing way more with far less than we have. In deciding to put the baby brakes on, are we stopping God from doing his work?
It’s all so…well, messy. Honestly, if we lived in the UK, this wouldn’t even be an issue (thank you National Health Service!) but no health insurance in the good old US of A, plus pregnancy, plus a vulnerable household income at the moment….is this what we want to bring a child into?
We have more than enough love, practical experience (countless nieces, nephews, cousins and babies around us over the years, enough to populate a small village in Guam, probably) and spiritual input and guidance to see us through, but for some reason, this doesn’t feel like the time. I literally was stopped in my tracks the other day with this recurring thought “one thing at a time”, my husband says his message is “get your house in order”. So we’re going to be obedient.
I joke about the weight loss action plan, but taking better care of my temple (and hubby’s) is a priority. Sorting out or finances is a priority. Making the business viable or letting it go is a priority. Staying sane and in the spirit is a priority.
The baby hiatus at the moment will be 6 months, just a whisker before we turn 37 and 38. I pray we won’t regret this decision. But as adults, decisions have to be made based on what’s going on around you. And from the advice you hear in your heart.
If you’re a praying person, pray for us, and if not, send positive thoughts this way!
Perspective
Posted by: fertilefaith on: August 23, 2010
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Just a quick thought. So often when we get caught up in our own drama, life has a way of reminding us that we’re really ok. I got two such ‘virtual reminders’ just this morning;
First, an email from a friend; his mother has been diagnosed with cancer, and the family is being proactive in fighting it all the way while maintaining her quality of life. All he’s asking for is prayer and words of encouragement for his mom on occasion.
Second, a text from an anonymous number, which read;
“Don’t give up. Your miracle is on its way”
I think I’ll pass this on to my friend; sounds like he needs this today.
Wait On Me and the Weight on Me
Posted by: fertilefaith on: August 23, 2010
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Hey folks,
Sorry I’ve been away for a minute; vacation and work in the middle of summer will do that to you, you know?! So what’s been happening? At this end, it’s been a little interesting and a moment really to reflect on so many things; trying to conceive, the various options available, leaning on the Lord, not leaning on the Lord, when to push, when to stop, when to throw your hands up and when to dig in.
The last time I wrote, Hubs and I were looking into adoption. We had a consultation with an agency, took a sharp intake of breath when we were told some of the fees involved, and decided to look at other options; and that’s as far as we’ve got. Hubs, being a man who needs facts, figures, details and information wanted to do some more ‘independent research’ to get his head around adoption. He’s still doing that, and even though I’m a little frustrated at the time he’s taking, I know I have to be patient. I also recognize that this may be the Lord’s way of saying ‘this isn’t the way’ or ‘this isn’t the time; wait on me.’
And there in lies the rub. As women of faith, we know we HAVE faith; but how do you know when what you’re doing is a result of God’s plan, or what you decide for yourself? A few months ago, my OB/GYN told me to buy an ovulation predictor kit, but I didn’t – partly because I was so overwhelmed by the number of products on the market. But another part really hoped it wouldn’t be needed. After two more cycles, we finally got around to purchasing a digital fertility monitor and now the fun and games begin. What if I’m not ovulating? Do we go the IVF route? Do we go straight to adoption?
I guess I’m scared about the options and what may (or may not) happen. Would we be happy not having children at all? So many questions, too few answers, but I know nothing will happen before He is ready.
That said, one of my ‘action plans’ for trying to conceive was getting my nutrition in order. It was all going so well…..was, as in past tense On Saturday, Nutrition Lady ran a body scan and here are the numbers in glorious internet technicolor…:
* My body is 38% fat
* I currently weigh 188 lbs
* My body burns a base rate of 1600 calories a day
I could go on, but this will do for now.
This puts me very much in the ‘obese’ camp **big heavy sigh** As my dear girlfriend said when I told her this, “yea, but you look fly!” While that’s sweet, the figures (and my tight jeans) don’t lie.
Now, I’ve always classed myself as fairly healthy; I don’t eat meat, I eat plenty of fruit and veg, exercise regularly (I’ve run marathons and played sport for years), but of late, the squidgy bits are doing way more jiggling. And so it’s back to the drawing board. My temple is out of whack and right now, I can’t ask the Lord to bless us with anything when my body and temple just ain’t right!
So if you’re in the same boat, let’s talk! I’ve refreshed my Calorie Count account to keep track of my food intake and activity level (20 minutes of Jillian Michaels every few days clearly isn’t cutting it.)I’m thinking of signing up for a marathon again (results driven? Moi?) and the local gym will be seeing Hubs and me regularly (yes, we gained together, we can lose the weight together; his delicious cooking has ALOT to answer for!)
God gave us these bodies, we must look after them. Of course, it didn’t help when my Pastor today starting talking about ‘putting aside your stuff, such as gluttony….etc, etc’….ok Lord, I hear you!
Tell me I’m not alone in this!
Adoption
Posted by: fertilefaith on: July 18, 2010
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And so another month, and another agonizing few days which act as a fun reminder that there’s no baby news to share. At the moment, I’m not so sure I’m bothered by the lack of happy news, and more just distressed that no matter what I try, I’m in pain. Alot of pain. I buckled and took pain medication this morning, but I’m still no closer to having any idea what’s causing the problem. Once the fibroids were removed, I was looking forward to nice and easy monthly cycles. Err, that would be no!
Anywho, this week, my husband and I have been looking into adoption. We’ve discussed it before, but now we’re gathering information, looking at our options and really looking at how it would all work. We spoke with one adoption agency, and truly, it felt like “give us a load of money, and we’ll deliver you a healthy baby.” The money aside, it just felt wrong, especially when the price went up by $3000 in 2 days, but we were told ‘you can lock in the original price we discussed by signing now. Oh, and if you don’t have a spare $40,000, we can help you with a loan.’ That just blew us away.
So we’re looking at all the different avenues, talking with friends who have adopted and seeing where it leads us. We know the Lord will bless us with a family of our own, in which ever way he chooses!
Have any of you considered adoption or adopted? How did you find the experience? Let us know!
Commitment
Posted by: fertilefaith on: July 14, 2010
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“A pledge or promise; an obligation” is how the dictionary describes the word ‘commitment’. We commit to pay our bills, to turn up for work on time, to keep in touch with family and friends and to be good to our loved ones. We often commit to be healthy, lose weigh, give up smoking, drinking, acting out….doesn’t always mean that we do.
Whether you are a person of faith or not, every now and then you hear a ‘word’ or a message that speaks directly to you, your situation, your dilemma, your life and what you should (or indeed, shouldn’t) be doing with it.
I’ve had a few of those ‘words’ of late, as I, along with my husband, navigate so many things, not only the journey to parenthood, but career, long term unemployment, maintaining a healthy relationship and knowing when to let some things go.
One of my biggest challenges at the moment is keeping to my word. Now let me explain. I work for myself, and often find that I over commit and over extend, which sometimes means that even though I can keep many of my commitments, there are others which are put to the side; namely spending time with my husband and honoring the commitment I’ve made time and again to really get into the word and spend quality time in the Lord’s presence.
Now more than ever, I need to dig into that commitment, and just a couple of weeks ago, I was reminded of this, and what the standard of commitment looks like in Christ.In Matthew 11:29, it says:
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.
Christ made a commitment to make things easier for us, so why do we ignore him?
In this time of decision making; whether to adopt, whether to commit to fertility treatment, or whether to commit to letting God do what he’s going to do in his own time. I know of so many people who have tried to have a family naturally for months, years. Some have taken every possible test, tried every treatment you can imagine, only to be told ‘sorry, we don’t know why you can get pregnant. It’s just one of those things.’
The more I think about it though, if God has a plan for all of our lives, which I believe he does, then he plans for some of us to be parents from the fruits of our own wombs, and others, it is not our path. I’m trying to commit to being at peace with his plan, but to sit up and do nothing at all doesn’t quite feel like the answer.
Men and women of faith who are going through this, how are you dealing with the many questions and emotions brought on by fertility issues? I’d love to hear from you, I know there are many of us out there!
Prediction!
Posted by: fertilefaith on: July 6, 2010
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Ok, so I’m not one to make predictions, so I won’t…but a little pee pee stick will!
After a consultation with my doctor last week, he suggested using an Ovulation Prediction Kit for a couple of months and if nothing happens ‘come see me’. Very to the point, my doctor.
There are SO many products on the market, that I’ve not bought a thing. I figure one more month of the method God intended will do just fine. He really can perform all kinds of miracles!
So in August, let’s see if we need the pee pee stick….
Food, Glorious Food!
Posted by: fertilefaith on: July 1, 2010
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Ezekiel 4:9
Take you also to you wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentils, and millet, and fitches, and put them in one vessel, and make you bread thereof, according to the number of the days that you shall lie on your side, three hundred and ninety days shall you eat thereof.
This week has been a real focus on food – especially after doing the Daniel Fast! It was a great time to reflect, spend time with God and really listen to his voice in amongst the bustle of deadlines and work. I won’t lie, it was easier some days than others, but it put me back in touch with the Lord and really made me think about what I put in my mouth and why.
There were a few messages I received along the way, but that’s for another time. Today, I’m drawn to talk about FOOD!
If you’re trying to start a family, you’re bombarded with messages about what to eat, what not to eat, what vitamins and supplements to take and how to maintain good nutritional health before, during and after pregnancy. To be honest, I just became overwhlemed with all of the information!! I stopped eating meat years ago, after a virus knocked me out following a trip to India – my stomach just couldn’t handle meat and so I found it easier not to eat it. Loving fruits and veggies and finding some great vegetarian dishes meant I never felt like I was missing out, although my Mum’s chicken is just too good to miss, and the occasional salmon fillet never goes amiss!
One of the messages I received from my time of fasting was why I should take better care of my body; God lives in all of us, so why give Him a sub standard house to live in?! So on Saturday, I visited a nutritionist for guidance on what to think about when eating for good health and fertility, as opposed to weight loss. Here are some things she shared:
- Eat within 30-60 minutes of waking up to kickstart your metabolism. Leave it any later, and your body will start to consume muscle mass
- Eat a good mixture of organic fruits and vegetables throughout the day
- Eat nuts; almonds, walnuts and cashews. Peanuts can store toxins which damage cells in the body
- When eating for fertility, eat small amounts of organic full fat dairy products, such as Greek yogurt
- Steer clear of soy; it interferes with estrogen levels.
- Eat little and often throughout the day
- Get plenty of proteins, mainly from plants if possible
- With bread, go for sprouted grains, like Ezekiel Bread
- If you eat fish, go for Wild Caught, US fish.
- Steer clear of yams, but sweet potatoes are fine.
Of course, these are tips she gave based on my circumstances, and this is in no way a substitute for what your doctor may advise you to do (disclaimer!!), but it’s something to think about. In a society that says ‘low fat, low carb, low salt, low sugar’ – going against the grain can take a while to get used to.
So we’re now stocked up with fruits, veggies, organic protein powder, almond butter and kale (for kale chips….very lovely!) and we’ll see how we feel in four weeks.
The Lord feels like he’s urging my husband and I to be ‘proactive in procreation’, so that’s what we’re doing! A conversation with the doctor on Friday may lead us down a different path, but like they say, you get out what you put in!
Be blessed!
Let’s take a long (faith) walk….
Posted by: fertilefaith on: June 21, 2010
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Faith. What is it? Do you have it? If you’re a Christian, then of course you do. Right?
Shortly after I married, I married another man….God, that is! There have been many, many, many challenges over the past few years – and all for the good, where my husband and I have learned to love one another more, love the Lord, and truly walk by faith and not by sight. We have seen rent appear from out of nowhere some months, opportunities materialize just as they’re needed and we have been truly cared for and protected.
Why I’m writing this is for a different reason. A couple of years ago I had surgery to remove fibroids, after my very lovely OB/GYN said, and I quote “It would be a miracle if you ever got pregnant with so many fibroids.” Words I never thought I’d hear, but on September 19th, 2008, that’s what I was faced with. It was the Lord who led me to that OB/GYN, after a year with one who didn’t care. I called so many offices, and this was the last one.
With a successful surgery months later, my same to-the-point OB/GYN then said at my last check up “ok, go make babies and I’ll see you back here in 6 months.” He had faith that everything would be ok. Well, that six months is now a year, and nothing has happened. Not a bean, blip, bump. Nada. Oh, and let’s not talk about the pain. Every month, in the same place. Agony. I curl up, cry, pull myself together and move on. The pain isn’t just a reminder of the surgery, it’s also a very real reminder that the child we so long for wasn’t created. And so it all starts again.
Now, I’m a very practical person, so I knew this journey wouldn’t necessarily be easy. I said to God before the surgery “get me through this, and we’ll worry about the rest later.” Turns out my husband was saying the same prayer. But now as we look down the barrel of infertility, I feel confused and mildly indecisive. I have faith that all things happen in the Lord’s time. I’m also aware that between having a less than prime womb and miles on the clock, we don’t exactly have time to sit and kick it to ‘see what happens.’
All of this got me thinking about ferility (of course), but how at the times we have the most challenges, we also need to be most fertile in our faith. Watering, nurturing and nourishing our relationship with the Lord. Having faith in HIS plan.
I know SO many people who are playing the baby waiting game, people from all faiths and none. But no one wants to talk about. The hurt. The anguish. The decision to go ahead with fertility treatment. Go the adoption route. Or do nothing at all.
So this blog is for couples in our position. For people who feel their faith is being tested. For people with a testimony.
I’ll be posting about our journey – the faith walk, and the steps to having a more ‘Fertile Faith’
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6
